Confidence is Important

I love writing this “moxie” series about instilling confidence in our daughters. I started wondering what other mothers are doing for their daughters, and if this is something that we all think about. I decided to find out. I emailed several of my favorite bloggers that have one or more daughters with the following question:

“What do you think is most important for ensuring our daughters grow up with a healthy self esteem?”

The responses were better than I ever could have hoped for.

Kathy (aka Mama Kat), Mama’s Losin’ It – Aside from telling them how wonderful they are and how much I love them every.single.day. One thing I do to ensure a healthy self esteem is encourage a relationship between them and their dad. Sometimes I feel like he needs a little help understanding what he can do to build their relationship, so I set up things for them to do. I encourage him to find one on one time with them. Whether that means taking them on his morning coffee runs or sitting down and watching a movie with them, I think it’s important to nurture their relationship with him.

Gretchen (aka Texan Mama), Who Put Me In Charge Of These People? – Confidence doesn’t come from knowing more, or having more. It doesn’t come from being taller or stronger or prettier. Confidence comes from a willingness to stand up to adversity. Confidence comes from knowing when to stay silent and when to speak up. Confidence is making the right choice, when making the wrong choice is easier. I believe confidence can’t be taught; instead, it has to be modeled and observed. That’s why, in order to raise a confident daughter, the greatest gift we could give her is to be a confident woman, one with high morals and a healthy self-esteem. This is more valuable than any tangible item we could give. Our daughters need this. They deserve it.

Dana (aka TKW), The Kitchen Witch – My daughters will grow up learning that failure is a regular part of life, not to be feared but expected. A blip on the radar. Something that, when it happens, doesn’t paralyze you. You pick your butt up out of the dirt, dust it off, and begin anew. My mother hovered like a hummingbird, interfering at every difficult moment, trying to save me from failure. She meant well, but it didn’t save me. Instead, it taught me that above all, failure was a thing to fear, to avoid at all costs. I grew up fearful, insecure, unwilling to take risks. I believed I was a fragile thing that needed saving. I want girls who are tough as grit. Now, if only God grants me the courage to watch them flounder and learn things for themselves.

Jamie, Blonde Mom Blog – As a mom to two little girls, both growing up before my very eyes way too fast, I try to instill self-confidence and independence in my daughters. I like to think that I am a pretty independent woman (at least my husband tells me I am) and I want them to hold steadfast to their beliefs and convictions, no matter what society or the media or their friends may say to them. Peer pressure is a scary thing, and it starts earlier and earlier. I hope my girls know their father and I believe in them and are proud of them. I hope they know they are unique and fantastic. Healthy self-esteem will help shape them as they mature and are faced with some pretty heavy decisions, especially in their teen years.

Tracey, Confessions of a Semi-Slacker Mom – I have 2 daughters, an almost 9-year-old & an almost 4-year-old. With such a difference in age I have to use totally different approaches to instill confidence in them. The oldest has learning disabilities, so we are dealing with that, but fortunately being different hasn’t effected her much. She has a friend that is getting hearing aids, several with glasses & some that have a sister with Down’s. I have just explained to her that God made everyone different & everyone has something to overcome, some things you can see like the glasses, hearing aids & Down’s & some you can’t see like her learning disabilities that you can’t. The youngest doesn’t seem to have much problem with confidence since she tells everyone that she has “pretty eyes”. Think she’s been told that before?

Jennifer, Chaos Wrapped in Chocolate-Covered Grins – Being a woman with moxie is a sensitive subject for me. I desperately want to be one and want even more desperately for my daughter to be one. However, I was raised to shut my mouth and go with the flow, to not argue or create controversy and therefore am terribly uncomfortable with conflict. Standing up for myself is way out of my comfort zone, but I have to stop and remember that I can talk to my daughter about this all day, but in the end, the greatest example she will have is my actions. As uncomfortable as it is for me, I need to realize that it isn’t about me anymore and I have to make a conscious decision to set an example I would like for my daughter to follow.

Jill, Scary Mommy – Raising a daughter is HARD. I wish I grew up with a mother who set a good example of self-esteem and confidence. Unfortunately, mine concentrated more on her flaws instead. I’ve vowed not to do that for my daughter. I am far from perfect, but she won’t hear me complaining about my thighs or quest to lose 20 pounds. That’s the best start I can give her.

All of these resonated with me and some of them even made me tear up, but this line sticks with me:

“Our daughters need this. They deserve it.”

Yes, they do.

Previous posts in the series:
Moxie Runs in the Family
6 Ways to Raise a Daughter with Moxie
Appropriate Behavior, Girls vs. Boys

I would love to have a dialogue around this subject and appreciate any and all comments. Also if there is something you would like to see addressed in this series please leave it in the comments or send me an email (address is available on my profile).