I’m a runner. Not the kind that ties on shoes and pounds the pavement. More like the kind that when the going gets tough starts to look for an exit. Not for permanent, but more as a way to clear my head.
I come by it honest. My mom is the same way. I can remember growing up that when she would get upset she would get in the car and drive, and I’ve heard countless stories about how she would “run away” when she was a little girl.
“Momma, Nelda’s run away again.”
“It’ll be alright. Just let her be.”
Around dinner time my grandmother would go to the back door and yell out that it was dinner time and they were having potatoes. Potatoes were my mom’s favorite and they always brought her running back home.
James was born to run too. He’ll get mad and hit the door. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t love David. He doesn’t love Cady. He wishes he could have a different family.
I know he doesn’t mean it. I know he just needs a minute to cool off and think through his pain, anger, and frustration.
This past weekend he got mad at David. I was busy doing something when I heard the back door slam.
“David, you need to go get him. He’s running away and he doesn’t realize it’s not safe.”
David in disbelief, “He isn’t running away.”
I went to get him myself. He was sitting in the neighbor’s yard, crying.
“Come on baby. Let’s go back in the house.”
“I’m so mad at Daddy. He was mean to me and I don’t love him anymore.”
“I know, but it isn’t safe. You have to come inside.”
“I want to see my Paw-Paw.”
“Well if you come in we can call him.”
We start walking back to the garage together. “You want to call him?”
“Not that Paw-Paw.”
“Well babe, you only have the one. Which Paw-Paw do you want to call?”
“My Paw-Paw James. The one with the name like me.”
My heart broke into a million pieces.
“I’m sorry babe, but he’s in heaven and you can’t go be with him. Let’s go inside.”
I took him inside where we sat on my bed and cuddled until he got control of his feelings. Then we talked about how it isn’t safe to leave the house and run away. Although I completely understand. I get that feeling. The wanting to run away. And especially the wanting to be with someone that has left us.
I just wish it was something as easy as potatoes that brought him back home.
You handled that like a pro, Mama!
Thanks. I just hope I can get it into his head that running down the street is not okay. And? Hopefully after this time David will understand that he needs to go after him.
Aww. It makes me sad to hear that James was so upset, but you handled it well.
I’m not a runner…but I do retreat to my own corner or whatever when I’m upset.
That’s the other thing we do, hide. He’ll get mad and run behind the couch and crouch down into a ball and cry into the floor. I get that feeling too.
I feel like that. Right Now.
I was like this a few weeks ago. Thankfully that trip to Dallas came up and I was able to get in the car and go. Best stress relief ever. Open road and a classic country radio station.
Wow – you handled this so well. Love you. xo
Thanks. Love you too.
We had a runner too. It’s very difficult to deal with. It’s wonderful when they reach a certain age and you can tell them, “I care about you, but I will no longer chase you”. He needed to realize that running away wasn’t going to manipulate us any longer AND THEN HE STOPPED. Doesn’t always, but what a relief.
Right now I just want him to reach an age where it is safe for him to get on his bike and ride around the block until he cools off. Being that he’s four it isn’t really ideal for him to be taking off down the street by himself.
I’m terrified for a moment like this with my little one but you handled it well. Great job mama!
It is scary. When my oldest gets mad she wants to be close to you for reassurance, which is completely opposite from me, but still what I’m used to with her. This just freaks me out.
Oh man! I know the feeling all to well since we have had some of that recently with the loss of my sister The more my kids grow, the more they want to know about their Aunt and Uncle who aren’t with us anymore.
THIS is why I was thinking of you so much this weekend. I know what it is like to lose someone close to you and that feeling that you just want to run away from it. Big hugs girl.
Poor kiddo! It must be so hard to try to process all of those emotions as a kid.
I’m sure. They are hard to process as a grown up!
You did a great job! And maybe he can take comfort that the Paw-Paw in heaven is available to hear him talk any time. He’s always up there, ready to listen.
Poor little guy. I do know what you mean though about inheriting bad traits and how it breaks your heart twice as hard when you see it. Miss D.: perfectionist Miss M.: unable to stick up for herself
Aggggg. The torture.
That’s true. That’s what we have always told Cady. She asks more about David’s mom (her namesake), and it started right around the age James is now. I had forgotten about that until just now. I need to talk to him more about it. I just wish it wasn’t so painful.
Hayden will often make comments about how he wants Loretta. Breaks my heart.
It cuts right through me. Especially because neither of my kids ever knew my dad or David’s mom.
I’m not a runner like this, just a “winer”.
Sweet James… I want to hug him. Glad you went to get him.
Well it is probably best that I went to get him because I understand how he feels. This is totally opposite from how David deals with things.
Aw such a sweet baby boy.
Sometimes it is so hard for me when I recognize a behavior in my children that I wish I could change in myself. On the other hand I always know how to approach that child and work with them, just breaks my heart that I have to.
You recognize the issue Momma, that is half the issue.
That’s very true. At least I know how to handle this. Sometimes Cady will come out with one of David’s characteristics and I’m left standing there with my mouth hanging open.
I’m a runner…always have been always will be. My youngest is a runner too. It sounds like you handled it wonderfully and did exactly what he needed you to do.
I guess when he is older I can teach him about driving the blues away. Literally.
Oh, the learned traits, even the ones we don’t intentionally teach or want to pass on seem to come naturally sometimes. I’m glad he was just at a neighbor’s and that you were able to catch him so quickly. I’m also glad you know how to deal with him because of this shared trait. You dealt with it perfectly, just keep talking because yes four is young, but he’ll get it, the knowledge that he has to learn to deal in other ways. I keep finding unplanned things my girls have similar to me, especially things I hadn’t wanted to pass down or either hadn’t counted on them picking up.