Warning: The language rating is an R in this one.
I love Pottery Barn. I get the catalog in the mail and a little drool slips out of the corner of my mouth as I turn the glossy pages. I think, “it would so cool to have a beach cottage… or a country house… or…” Anything. They have the prettiest stuff, and it is so easy to lust after all of it.
The problem comes when you actually want to purchase something. Have you ever tried to purchase anything from the Pottery Barn online store? I challenge you to go right now and try to pick out and decorate a full bedroom from their website. Load it all up in your cart and see what all they actually have in stock that allows you to complete a room. I can tell you. None of it. I don’t think I’ve ever gone on their site and been able to get exactly what I wanted.
Pottery Barn is an asshole.
Jodi: Pottery Barn has me by the balls
Jodi: I’m just addicted to it
Jodi: they just get me every freaking time…
Jennifer: I know
Jennifer: they are mother fuckers
Jennifer: and we let them
Jodi: she is a fickle bitch that pottery barn
Jennifer: and I bought those new quilts for the kids beds
Jennifer: and I’m scared to put them on them
Jennifer: because OMG, what if they fuck them up
Jennifer: I’ll never find a new one
Jodi: I KNOW I KNOW
Jennifer: so I’ve had them for a month
Jennifer: and they are still all wrapped up in the plastic
Jennifer: and Cady threatened to open hers and put it on her bed
Jennifer: and I almost had a panic attack
Jodi: I love Cady
Jodi: I just spit water at the screen
Jodi: cuz I can see her saying that
Jennifer: you know I’m serious
Jodi: like momma im just gonna do it
Jodi: stand back
Jennifer: she was
Jennifer: like, let’s rip this bandaid off fast
Jennifer: that’s why I haven’t done the post about the room
Jennifer: because if I finish the room then the room is finished and everything is out
Jennifer: and then it will get messed up
Jodi: It’s okay cuz I bought my kid the entire catalog
Jodi: and I want to see how long it looks like that
Jodi: probably like ten minutes
Jodi: if that
Jennifer: I won’t let mine look at the catalog
Jodi: I do enough of that for all of us
Jodi: I look all the time
Jodi: on the toilet
Jodi: walking around the block
Jodi: on the elliptical
Jodi: I just carry it
Jodi: like a bible
Jodi: sorry Lord
Jennifer: lol
Jodi: it’s bad
Jennifer: this is a sickness
Jodi: and then just when I was over it
Jodi: so I thought
Jodi: I got three 10% off coupons in the mail
Jennifer: holy shit
Jennifer: you got coupons
Jennifer: how did you get coupons
Jodi: I know right
Jodi: I don’t know
Jodi: and get this
Jodi: if you spend a ton
Jodi: you can talk them down on the phone
Jodi: no shit
Jodi: I haggled 10% off of all the furniture
Jennifer: you’re kidding me
Jodi: yes
Jodi: you can
Jodi: and then I turned in pottery bucks
Jodi: and got 125$ off
Jennifer: look at you
Jennifer: that’s almost like you fucked them back
Jodi: I did
Jodi: they took one right up the ass
Jodi:: that day at least
Jennifer: I’m pretty sure I’ve never been prouder to be your friend than this moment right here
Jodi: they really really have my number though
Jodi: because I was lamenting that I dind’t have enough credit to do the entire house
Jodi: and they were like hold on
Jodi: OKAY we upped it
Jodi: I was like what don’t you want my income
Jodi: they were like nope
Jodi: and I swear I heard the devil laughing
Jodi: that wicked laugh
Jennifer: oh yeah
Jennifer: that was definitely the sound of him whispering in your ear
Jennifer: for sure
Jennifer: “come on. it’ll be alright. see how pretty.”
Jodi: and they gave me 12 months no interest
Jodi: so its so easy
Jodi: I can just pay like ALL my money to them every month for 12 months
Jodi: and the kids can eat rice
Jodi: and it can ALL BE MINE
Jennifer: that’s a whole lotta pretty
Jodi: it is Jennifer
Jennifer: and I know just a little part of you had to be tempted
Jodi: my home will be an oasis of lovliness
Jodi: until the kids come home
Jennifer: your house would look like a catalog
Jodi: NO SHIT
Jodi: I love it
Jodi: it’s a drug
Jodi: there should be some sort of black market for it
Jodi: oh wait there is
Jodi: ebay
Jennifer: I think I’m having heart palapitations thinking of it
Jodi: and their salespeople aren’t normal ones
Jodi: they have TOTAL recall on all things PB
Jodi: like oh yes I remember that collection it had light green and it was so soft
Jodi: they rock
Jennifer: OMG, like gymboreee
Jodi: worse
Jodi: cuz this shit is better
Jodi: if I lived as close as you do to Houston
Jodi: I would be in big big trouble
Jodi: I would be driving to the galleria weekley
Jodi: to the PBK store
Jennifer: nah, the traffic is insane
Jennifer: you would get tired of it
Jodi: it would take a few months
True. Plus she would have to keep going back to be sure she got everything she wanted. Assholes.
Hilarious. Because it’s true. I don’t have a single piece of PB. (Because my next door neighbor owned a furniture store and gave us some incredible deals). But I’ve seen friends call their husbands crying because they couldn’t control themselves and had bought something WAY to expensive for their budget.
It is so expensive. I try to wait for the clearance sales and pick up one or two things I like, and then I complement those with things from other places. But even when I’ve tried to purchase new I was not able to purchase a full set. I’ve never bought their furniture though.
This was too funny. I had to stop getting Pottery Barn catalogs. It was either that or end up a million dollars in debt and divorced.
The minute the catalog comes in the mail I toss it. When I need something I go online to look. Otherwise I will spend a week depressed that I don’t have a beach cottage or a house in the mountains.
That is hysterical!
And Cady threatened to take the plastic off and just put it on her bed.
What a hoot!
I get the PB teen catalog because we bought a comforter for Buddy’s room from there. And then they sucked us into buying his backpack and lunch box from there too. Damn them.
However, I do not carry the catalog from PB around. I do, however, carry the IKEA catalog around wherever I go. That is a serious sickness too.
OH mY GoSh! You guys are killing me!!
For me, it is Pottery Barn Kids. I always have that catalog lying around too- and if Zoe sees it, she picks out new blankets (I bought both my kids a PB bedding set last year) and makes me mad because she doesn’t appreciate the one I got last year. But, secretly, I want new stuff too. For the record, I put the quilts on the kids bed, but I also got a duvet cover that they use for their blanket (without the duvet in it or it would be too hot) and I fold the quilt back every night. So far (knock on wood) they have not ruined them. Also- we had a PBK store just 20 minutes from my house in NJ. It was very dangerous…. good thing we moved!
Oh- and so glad to see “Jodie and Jennifer” back! I love these conversations! I think my favorite was the cupcake post.
They only stuff I have from them is part of their wall organization system in our kitchen and I got that because we had an AMEX gift card we could use with them.
I usually like the knock-off stuff at Target or IKEA better anyway…
Bastards. ;p