Tomorrow will be one year since I started going to therapy. My original reasons for going were my inability to focus and my barriers to losing weight. While I didn’t admit it to myself, I also needed (still need) help dealing with my dad’s passing and the emotional barriers I’ve constructed over the years. What have I learned in the last year? A lot. And not near enough.
Lack of Focus:
In May my therapist diagnosed me with Adult ADD. I started medication in June and it has made a world of difference. The first day on the drugs I felt like a fog had been lifted. I could actually think and multi-task again.
I’m learning a lot about some of the side effects of ADD, and I’m working to develop some coping mechanisms to help me accomplish more and achieve some personal, professional, and family goals.
Breaking Down the Walls:
One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed is how much more emotional I am now. All my life I constructed this wall around myself. I felt like that’s what I needed to do to be the “strong” person everyone expected me to be.
Therapy has taught me that it is okay to feel. That all of the emotions are good. If you are sad, embrace the sadness. Once I acknowledge those “bad” emotions and allow myself to feel them they pass so much quicker and lose some of their power over me.
The side effect of embracing all of these emotions is that they are so much closer to the surface. Before I was hardly ever sentimental. Now? I can cry at the drop of a hat. Or a really good Procter and Gamble Olympic moms commercial.
Accepting Grief:
With all of these internal walls falling I’ve also had to acknowledge that grief is permanent. It changes and manifests in different ways, but it is always there. I will always miss my dad. I will always be sad he is gone. Some days that missing will be so powerful and sharp it will bring me to my knees. Others it will be like an old friend come to visit and just sit with me awhile.
Above all, it is here to stay, and acting like it has passed or “I shouldn’t feel this way” will not make it disappear. But acknowledging it and accepting it is part of me helps the bad days pass a little faster.
The weighty issue:
I don’t know. What can I say? We can’t fix everything in a year. This is something we are still working on. I do know that I have to learn to love and accept myself for who I am. I have to learn to not be so mean to me. I’m working on it.
I feel like therapy has been an extremely positive experience. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I realize I have a lot more to learn. I plan to continue going and hopefully after another year I will be an even better, wiser me.
I’m so glad it’s been a positive experience for you and that you feel that you’re learned a lot and grown. That’s what it’s all about!
It has been a completely positive experience.
I’m a human watering pot. I cry all the time. And yes, I blame it on therapy. But it’s good for you…kind of like broccoli.
Especially when you add salt (tears).
I’m glad.
I think therapy is a great thing. It’s been about 18 months now for me and I can’t tell you what a difference it has made in my acceptance of me. And the really great thing is…I haven’t been given any answers to anything. I’ve come up with them myself.
And there is something really empowering about knowing that YOU are figuring out in life what is best for YOU.
Keep it up, sister…so proud of you.
Oh no, she just helps me see the answers myself. The thing I get kind of pissy about though is when she uses how I support Cady to try to get me to support myself. Like turns my own lessons back on me. Which I deserve. But still. Darn her insightfulness.
I could probably use some therapy too. I mean, I think we all could.
I’m so glad you are benefiting from it so much…
Oh I’m sure we all could. I just hope my insurance keeps paying for it.
It sounds like you are making good progress. I’m so happy for you!
I feel like I’m making progress. Hopefully I will continue to.
Wow, that’s wonderful. I had no idea you were seeing someone, talking to someone. I am glad you have that outlet. I’m also really surprised to read you have built a wall around yourself, that you now have to tear down. I definitely always looked at you as a really strong person, but never realized you felt this way. I’m the opposite – i could probably stand to build a wall or two. ha ha
See… this is what happens when you don’t read. {wagging my finger at you}
Strength comes in all different forms. I think acknowledging my weaknesses is making me even stronger. Or something like that.
Although it’s not something I write about… I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year now too. I actually started the week right before BlogHer11.
I started right AFTER BlogHer last year. I hope your experience has been positive.
I am proud of you for taking the time to do this for yourself. And for sharing it with your readers. Many, many people would not have the courage to do that. I can’t wait to see what the next year does for you.
Last year I was kind of looking at it with dread, but knowing it was something I needed to do. This year I’m looking at with a positive attitude because I see how far I’ve come.
Great step! Been there off and on for years. Had gastric bypass 6 yrs ago and a couple yrs counseling after that, post divorce and back surgery failures. Also brothetswant death 10 yrs ago after which I turned my whole focus to keep family together while I was dying inside of powerlessness… Fast forward til now lol… that positive reinforcement helps even if just to hear ourselves tell the answers to questions we already know. I could use a trip or two a week, oh I mean month now. A new baby, relationships with new family that never happened before baby, oh the list grows … If some people would get some help, the rest of is may not need it …lol evil grin!!! Oh, they won’t admit it and o don’t know how olive in a bubble. We know who looks irrational to them……ME!
I love that you are being open about this. Therapy often has a stigma, but it’s a great place to gain an objective perspective on deep rooted issues – by talking about it here on your blog, you help lift that stigma and shed light on the positive aspects of talking in therapy and gaining knowledge as to how you might help yourself through these things that have been holding you back from living your fullest life. Very cool.
I actually never thought about there being a stigma attached to it. LOL I just know it has been a really positive experience for me and the I just wish that I hadn’t waited so long trying to fix myself and would have went sooner.
Therapy can do wonders and I am so glad that it is helping you. I undestand about being emotional. Those damn P&G Moms commercials get me every time. Lately I have been debating therapy. I think it may help me a lot. Thank you for talking about your situation. It takes a lot of strength and courage to admit that you need help and to actually go out and get the help.
Those commercials get me every time. Then I rewind and make David watch them with me again while I sob, “but look at her mom and she was there supporting her and they worked so hard…” (boohoohoo) He just shakes his head at me.