I’m sitting at home sick today trying to catch up on some things, well things that I can catch up on without having a coughing attack. Like the laundry. You should see the stacks I have everywhere. I’m not sure where all of these clothes came from. Some of them have to belong to the neighbors.
And the DVR. I thought I should probably watch my shows before the kids get home and it will be never ending Disney programming until I pry that remote out of their little hands. I was watching Heavy. This episode was about a boy whose mom put him up for adoption when he was three and a woman addicted to food and hides food around her house and in her closet. So, so sad.
And blogs. And that’s when I stumbled across a guest post over at the Scary Mommy Society. It was basically ridiculing morbidly obese people that have the audacity to go to Disney World and use a scooter to get around. You know? Because they could just walk. Except for the fact that they probably can’t. Or at least not the amount that it would take to enjoy a day at an amusement park with their family.
And then I read the comments. And saw how many people were laughing at fat people. Because you know, that’s ok. Except that it isn’t. It isn’t at all.
And that’s when I started to cry. The big, ugly cry and then the silent tears slipping down my cheeks cry. Because I know that’s how people think and feel when they look at me. They don’t see that I’m a compassionate, loyal, loving, funny person. They see a fat person and immediately discount me. A person that should just stop “stuffing her face” or should just exercise. If only it were that easy. Nothing is easy about being morbidly obese.
I don’t want to “stuff my face.” I’ve sat in my car with a voice in my head screaming at me to stop as I open another package of Little Debbie brownies and eat them to try to cover up whatever emotion it is that I can’t handle at that moment. To bury the stress or the sadness or even to celebrate a happiness.
Exercise is hard. It hurts my knees, my feet and my shins. It hurts my back and my shoulders and it is hard to breathe. With an extra hundred pounds hanging on my body it is harder for me to move than a smaller person. Therefore it makes it way easier for me to give up whenever I try. But way harder for me in the long run.
Newsflash people. No one wants to be fat. No one. And people ridiculing us, making fun of us, telling us to stop stuffing our face, showing us a lack of respect, a lack of empathy, and basically hating us for being fat does not one single thing to help. But man does it ever hurt. It hurts a lot.
It hurts me that someone would look at person and judge them because of their weight. Or the color of their skin. Or any one of a 100 other things.
I don’t see people that way. I don’t see fat or thin. Or black or white. Or disabled or fully functional. Or gay or straight. I look and I just see people. Some I like and some I don’t, but never, ever for any of these reasons.
But still, I walk out of my home every day knowing that someone will choose not to like me because of my weight. What a shame. They don’t know what they’re missing. Because I? Am fucking fantastic.
{ 31 comments }
It's wrong to be mean to anyone just because you can. It's wrong to laugh at someone different then you. It's all wrong. It makes me sad. It makes me sick. It makes me angry. It makes me STRONGER.
I'm not going to pretend I've never judged someone unfairly, for really unfair reasons. But I would never make fun of a whole group of people or an individual online or anywhere else. It is not shocking that people have these thoughts, but it is shocking that they share them. I'm glad you wrote out your frustration today.
You know this is fabulous, right? This is so well written and so true and so emotional and so many other things.
I'm sorry you had to stumble upon that post today.
Wow! This post is all kinds of awesome. I know exactly how you feel. I too am extremely overweight. And when I see and hear people unfairly judging someone because of their size, I can't help but feel that they feel the same way about me. It hurts. This is one of the first posts that expresses what I've been trying to say.
Thank you!
Part of me is sad you found that post- because I don't want you to be sad or to ugly cry. BUT.. I am also glad you stumbled on it because it caused you to write this. This is great! I love it and the last line is my absolute favorite part.
You know how I feel about this. I'm glad that at least you were able to write a kick ass post stemming from the other. Chin up. You are fucking fantastic.
You are fabulous!
I don't know why people laugh and make fun of others. Insecurity probably.
I'm so glad you wrote this. Your confidence is coming through.
It is wrong. Very wrong. People all need to be a little kinder to each other. Our outside doesn't definite us.
AMEN! That is all.
Jennifer, I've been getting to know Holly & I really don't think she was intentionally ridiculing overweight people as she is struggling with weight herself. She has a daughter with Down's, so she understands judgement. I just think it bothers her when people expect special treatment just because they are overweight. You say you are obese, but I don't think you are the kind of person that would take the easy way out because of it or ride a scooter around WDW. And you know I think you're fabulous too!
It is sick that people get their jollies by ridiculing people who are overweight. They don't know their story, or their struggles. Being fat is NOT something we choose to be, and like anything else it comes with a lot of baggage.
Those that do poke fun are should focus on themselves and why they have to belittle and poke fun at others. In my opinion making fun of people to make yourself feel better is a much bigger issue than the size of a stranger.
You are beautiful! Ignore people like that! You enjoy life, and they can only find joy in ridiculing others.
I want to comment, but what you said was so profound and well written that I don't think I can do it justice.
You ARE fabulous and anyone that would judge you for your weight is missing out on your fabulousness and not worthy of your friendship… but even when you know this, it still smarts.
I totally agree with Semi-Slacker Mom. I really think it was about taking the easy way out. And honestly that is so not you, especially not now. You have totally tackled your weight loss journey the right way, not the easy way. You are working from the inside out which has to be so much harder.
And of course you are fantastic. I can't believe that someone would think otherwise!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I SWEAR I could have written EVERY SINGLE WORD of that post. My PYHO post last week was about the same thing. But I've written about it on more than one occasion, because I deal with it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I AM a good person. I'm funny, and caring, and loving. I'm a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, and a good friend. But a lot of people never get to see that, because they can't get past the way I look. And while that sucks for me, it also sucks for them. You know why? Because they're missing out on the opportunity to know a pretty cool chick!
Thanks for sharing your post. It hit home. HARD.
I can't wait to read your other posts. I think we have a lot in common. After all, we're both pretty cool chicks!
Mich
Yes. You. Are!!!!
And I love to read you and your honest posts.
I think you guys that don't think she was being "mean" are missing the point. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what her intentions were. There are people out there who have BAD INTENTIONS. If we pretend like its okay and funny to talk about obese people we are perpetuating that its OKAY to make fun of people that are "different" this is about way more then Fat people.
I want to also say as a child I was bullied horribly. Those children the bullied me learned that SOMEWHERE. Maybe their parents thought it was FUNNY to talk about fat people even in gest. I think anything we can do to stop people from being horrible to each other we should all do!
Holly probably didn't intend to hurt anyone but she needs to realize there are MANY out there that DO INTEND to hurt people and she was HIGH FIVING them even unintentionally.
It is so very sad that people judge overweight folks. Several member's of Keith's family are obese and I see how people look at them. It's not fair and it's not right.
I'm sorry this made you feel badly. Just remember you ARE doing something about your weight!
Love you!
It is the heart of a person that is the measure of their value. We deal daily with our daughters hearts, because as beautiful as they are and as hilarious and smart and everything else, they get treated like something less because of the color of their skin.
It is our challenge to build them into smart, funny, loving, skilled, amazing adults (like you) against the onslaught of negative messages that tell them their only value is on the outside…appearance, wealth, status.
It is unfortunate that a post from a guest blogger was not subject to the blog owner's personal standards on their own platform, and simply re-scheduled for a time when the writer could honor, rather than dishonor herself, her reader, the blogger who featured the piece, and millions of people who would treat her more respectfully if the situation were reversed.
AMEN! I love this…. Too true
I heard about this post and had to come see for myself.
Your sense of reality is off my dear. No one was laughing at fat people on the Scary Mommy blog (especially when the majority of people claimed to also have a weight problem). And if that's what you took away from the comments then you need to read them again. Maybe the tears were obstructing your vision.
I was one of the people who came to Holly's defense. She has struggled with weight herself so she would never make fun of someone who is overweight. I'm overweight. And I STILL find her POST humorous. I don't find obese people humorous, nor does Holly. Holly's sense of humor is the part that's funny, not obese people. It's too bad that you are so close minded that you can't take away the humor in her post.
And Holly is right. SOME people take advantage of being over weight. They use it as an excuse not to walk around or to exercise. That doesn't mean all overweight people are the same way. Lord knows I love me some take out food. But every person makes the choice of what foods to eat, and how much (or how little) to exercise. Some people are obese because of illness, while others cause it themselves. Holly specifically says she realizes obesity is a disease in the blog post.
It's such a shame that so many people took such offense to the blog. It was meant to be funny, not hateful, and way too many people took it the wrong way.
Crying over a post about unnecessary scooter use at Disney World? Seek therapy. Seriously.
Ashley – Before coming over to personally attack me I would appreciate it if you would take a look around my blog and learn a little about me first. I know you are young being that you are a college student (or maybe I shouldn't assume that), but I have a lot of life experience on you and my sense of reality is right on. And please don't call me dear unless you are my grandmother's age. That's just creepy.
First, I never wrote anything against Holly. I totally don't get her humor and did not think her post was at all funny, along with several other people. I don't think it is funny to joke at another person's expense. Period.
Second, fat shaming is wrong. It just is. And that is exactly what this was. She was ridiculing people that she doesn't know because they are overweight and use a scooter. She knows absolutely nothing about those people. Being overweight herself she should understand how hard of a battle it is and offer some encouragement instead.
Third, those comments were most definitely making fun of overweight people. If you don't think so then maybe you need to be a little more open minded and go back and read them again. It wasn't Holly's post so much that bothered me as the reaction to it.
Last, my tears had absolutely nothing to do with unnecessary scooter use and everything to do with what I've written about above. I'm tired of people thinking it is alright for fat people to be the butt of their jokes. And not just fat people because this is so much bigger than that. And saying that it is a joke does not make it any better or any more ok. It just doesn't.
While I appreciate all comments, those that agree with me and those that don't, if you try to attack me or anyone else in my comments, I will delete your posts. I'm not saying you have, but you pushed the line. Just a warning.
As I said in the comments over at Scary Mommy, it was a sad day in the blogging community when that was posted. I have always been so proud of how bloggers banded together and made awesome things happen and fought for the rights of others. That one post just underminded every other good thing that bloggers have done. So sad.
Well said, Jennifer. You are fantastic.
Also, you need to change your Twitter button settings. It has it set as "Jennifer" as your Twitter name instead of "MomMadeitLookEZ".
This post is the first time I've read your blog.
All I can say is, I love you. I've had these exact emotions and feelings before.
Thank you for posting this. I really needed it today.
You ARE completely fabulous, and anyone who can't see that does not deserve to be around you.
mwah.
I just saw that blog post. Those women should be ashamed.
Mandatory fatty parking?
Obesity is a choice?
I'd like to say some really mean things, but I'll save them for my own rant space.
Thank you. From the bottom of my fat, overweight, disabled heart.
I know I have met you before, because I recognize your 'digs'
but I just have to thank you for your response to the post. I am sorry that it hurt you, and that is not me apologizing for anyone's crude or inappropriate remarks, whether they were in the post OR the comments, that's me saying as someone who is overweight and read that article it broke my heart. I thought to myself, well, damn, how am I going to feel if I crawl around Disney and find myself wishing I had one of those scooters, and admiring the people who are out there with their families even if the only way to do so is to USE them?
Sure, there are plenty of people who take advantage and maybe find a way to get such privileges despite their not having disabilities, but to judge? And judge so harshly? That burns me quite a bit.
Good for you for getting this off your chest. And major hugs, mama.
I really don't understand the way our society is becoming, where it's all about what is fashionably PC right now, and not about what is right or good.
I sat through all of second grade watching a group of boys make fun of a little girl named Elsie because she had cerebral palsy. And she just smiled back at them because she didn't understand they were being mean to her. And I cried every day because what they were doing was the most unjust and horrifying thing I could imagine at that age.
And for the 25 years since then, anyone choosing to behave that way is like a burning knife twisting in my gut. It's the main reason why I absolutely abhor my brother-in-law, can hardly stand to even look at him, because he acts that way constantly. He is a MOCKER.
It's wrong. It's just WRONG, no matter what might be popular or politically correct right now.
I'm not obese but I am slowly working my way down from being about 60 pounds overweight. I know I got that way through every single bite I took, and I'm having to struggle with every ounce that comes off. My husband has been awful to me about it, despite the fact that he is currently just as overweight as I am and I got this way after I started eating like he does. Other women are snarky when I'm overweight and threatened when I lose it.
It's tough. Really, really tough. I could go on but I won't take over your blog. I'm just sorry. I wish people kept their consciences when they went online.
(((HUGS))) gal! you ARE fantastic.
I totally know what you mean…been there…been made fun of and talked down to and overlooked because of my extra weight.
Blogging and being involved in the blogging community has given me a very real sense of "context". I don't think I was ever a judgemental person, but now I truly understand that everybody has their own story and that I DON'T KNOW IT. So I try, try, try to never assume or judge or mock people.
I read that post and the comments yesterday and was really sad that other people have not taken away the same lesson. The post itself was an unfortunate attempt at "humor and sarcasm" that fell flat. I can't say what her motivation was for writing it (cause I don't know her story), but I do hope that its failure inspires some self-reflection on her part.
And yes, you ARE fantastic!
I appreciate your honest and ability to express the feelings that another post brought up in you! Whether or not it was her intention, it was how it made you feel and you have every right to express your feelings on your blog. As a society we really aren't that nice to each other and it is a shame. Directly or indirectly it hurts. I loved your last line! You are fantastic!
Comments on this entry are closed.