Jodi sends me these inspirational (sometimes butt kicking) emails. I thought I would share one of them with you today.
SHAME
Shame… It’s a horrible word and probably one of the worst emotions I can think of.
Bill Clinton should feel shame that he got a BJ in the oval office. He ruined any legacy he may have built (*cough* Republican here) and now until the end of time a lot of people will associate him with “I did NOT HAVE SEX with that woman!”. That is something to absolutely be ashamed of. He didn’t have to do that. He embarrassed his wife and the nation. {Even though I would trade a little head in the oval office for a budget surplus and a functioning economy.}
Being overweight is different. If you are morbidly obese you might think that you should be ashamed. You are wrong. Not many people have been given head in the oval office (okay I am guessing about that) but MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY people in this country are morbidly obese. These are not bad people. These are people that due to environment or genetics or a combination of both have gotten to a point where they are so ill with the disease of morbid obesity they can’t see a way out. So they give up. They give in to feelings of worthlessness and their weight climbs.
I did it to myself a hundred times. I told myself well you are just the “fat girl” this is just how it is so why bother. I remember one incident where I went to pick up my niece from preschool and a little boy said, “Your fat Mommy is here.” I felt such shame. I felt for sure she would be humiliated to be related to me and not love me. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, “Jojo you are the best Mommy in the world,” as I wept in the car… and I wasn’t even her Mommy.
You should not be ashamed that you have a problem with food. It’s a common issue that is hard to overcome. You must eat to live so you can’t just QUIT IT. You don’t need a BJ to live as far as I know. (How did I get into this whole bj thing?!)
There is also no shame in ADMITTING you have a problem. If you are serious about changing your life I think a big step in beating the demon that is being morbidly obese is to be “transparent” by admitting to yourself and to everyone around you that YES you have food issues and NO you aren’t happy that way and you want it to be different for you.
Not everyone is comfortable with this notion. Here is why I disagree with them. I have known many people that have disabilities that are MORE comfortable once its “out there”. They just want to say okay take a good look and ask your questions and then move on. I feel that way about what I did. I was VERY open about it. It helped me be accountable but it also took away my feelings of “shame”.
Let’s face it there was NO way I was hiding my food issue as it was written all over my huge body. Why should I have to have shame about trying to better myself? I found that most people were more than encouraging and their words helped me keep going when I felt bad about myself or made a wrong choice. I didn’t want to let them down or me down.
I don’t blame myself as much as I used too. I realized that it freed me. It completely lifted the mental “weight” of the stigma of morbid obesity off my shoulders. I walked with my head held high knowing that with every step I took I was on my way to being healed. I wasn’t going to notice the glances I got at restaurants anymore or the snickers of teenagers as I walked by (happens people, oh yes it does). I had an inner confidence and a whole “WATCH ME PEOPLE!” attitude after that.
An added bonus of everyone KNOWING what I was doing was that my friends and family were more concerned with NOT tempting me… for the most part. A side affect of a life change is that some people aren’t on board. That’s okay too. That’s their choice. If people are your true friends they WILL be encouraging and they WILL push you to keep going. If they love you they will. If they don’t, well in the immortal words of Cee Lo Green “FU”.
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I’m not quite there yet. But I’m working on it.
{ 15 comments }
That is fabulous! I don't know why she quit writing.. she's great at it! And I am so glad for you that you have a true friend that is really following through with this, with the inspirational emails and everything she is doing. I also love that you post these things, because they are inspiration for others as well.
With emails being sent to you like that – you can't not be successful.
She has such a great outlook.
Oh wow. I am literally in tears. She is such a good cheerleader for you!
Jen, you can totally do this. Even if you dont' get a BJ.
Wait, what?
Good words. Good, good words. Keep going, you can do this.
That really is pretty inspirational. It's a great way to look at things. And all the BJ references make you smile too.
So interesting, on Sunday, we heard a guest teacher at our church speak on the problem of shame and how it controls nearly everyone. It is a great victory for the enemy of our souls for us to miss out because of feeling we are not worthy.
He supplied a checklist. By the mm-hmms and the chuckles, it hit home with most.
I couldn't believe anyone else identified. Amazing.
I love your friend! She is so motivating!
I meant to say "false shame". It is false.
This is so powerful. You have an amazing friend in Jody.
She could make a great living at being someone Life Coach.
What an awesome person she is.
This was great & something we all should remember!
Very wise comments. We've all fel that shame feeling at some time…hopefully only a short time. Getting it out there is right. Where there is light there can be no darkness and that is the beginning of wholeness.
I am in tears. You have such a gift in her…and in you. Putting it out here took so much courage–I am in awe.
You know I lost a very close friend to morbid obesity 20 months ago. Her shame kept her from going to the dr, from seeking help, from admitting there was *really* a problem. She was 37 when she died and left behind two young daughters, 6 and 9 at the time. She weighed 382.00 lbs. It was unfathomable to me that she was really gone and why. I think the first and biggest step is admitting that there is a problem…which you are doing. And sharing it with others, which you are doing. Those are huge leaps toward health….emotional, physical, and even spiritual. Keep going one day at a time toward your goal of health.
This is awesome. Thanks for sharing!
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