Willpower

I know y’all have seen my post about my BFF Jodi before, and I’m sure I’ve mentioned that she’s lost over 125 pounds. Well here is a photo of my beautiful friend:

Jodi wrote the following post and wanted me to share it with y’all. Enjoy.

Willpower

According to google the definition of Willpower is self-control: the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior.

I think the true defintion should be: The ability to make yourself do things you hate for your own good.

Since January of 2009 I have been doing things I hate. I have been counting calories, exercising, denying myself things I enjoy eating, sacrificing my free time, losing sleep etc. I did this all to become a healthier better me.

I don’t know what took me so long. I look back at pictures of myself and think why did I wait? Did I just hate myself? Why did I abuse myself? I am not sure I have the answer to those questions. I know I am a complusive overeater. I remember having the need to eat in an out of control way most of my life.

I don’t think every overweight person has that issue. I think more do then care to admit though. I think either you struggle with the feelings your entire life OR slowly you become addicted to food. You use the food as a replacement for something. As a way to numb bad feelings.

In the case of those of us living in the south you also use it as a reason to PAR-TAY because eating is very social here. We love our food and we are SO good at eating and cooking the best foods in the world.

So what makes me different then your average fatty?

I don’t think I have extraordinary willpower. I don’t think I am an extradordinary person. I think I just decided that I had to have the willpower to put MYSELF first. That might sound horrible but the way I see if if you don’t care about yourself can you really care about anyone else?

How could I say I was a good mother when I was bound and determined to kill myself slowly in front of my children. At the rate I was going it was unlikely I would be there to see my grandchildren and what kind of example was I being for them? I was teaching them to do what “feels good” no matter what the consequence. How could I love my husband when I was going to surely leave him sooner then I had too by my own hand. You get my point.

I started letting NOTHING stand between me and my goal. If it meant I had to wake up extra early or my husband had to cook dinner thats what we were ALL going to have to do. I also had one Ace in the hole I want to mention. I had friends that encouraged me.

Jennifer encouraged me even while she herself was struggling with her weight. I can’t say that for all of my friends. In general I have found misery loves company but that was not the case with she and I. She completely pushed me to reach my goals. She is always in my corner. She is my little Texan cheerleader with an accent. My accomplishments are hers and vice versa.

When I was at my heaviest I was in a group for plus sized womens fitness. We had little discussions at the end of each class. I raised my hand and discussed the fact that I was unhappy with my weight. They shunned me. None of them were ready to change. I was ready. I had decided this would not be my life. Instead of them encouraging me they chose not too.

Jennifer helped me stick with it. I didn’t wanna let me down OR her down. I think it might have been a major reason I was able to lose so much weight this time.

So I credit myself, willpower and a good friend for helping me to get to where I am today. On Friday I have major surgery. I am scared. Jennifer isn’t. She knows I have earned the right to be comfortable. She knows that I have come too far for God to let me down now. She once again is pushing me along to where I need to be. I am using my willpower to force myself to put myself in the hands of a surgeon and God once again. I know deep down its the right decision and I know I have a friend that will be praying for me the whole time.

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Please pray for Jodi this week and send her your best thoughts. She’s getting more and more nervous as it gets closer to Friday, but I know she is going to do great and is going to come out of this even better. (And also pray for her family as she is unable to relieve her stress with kick boxing while she is recuperating. Amen.)