6 Ways to Raise a Daughter with Moxie

Last week I discussed moxie and about how I was raised by two women with loads of it, and an example of how I showed a little moxie myself. This week I want to talk about how (I think) we can instill a moxie in our girls.

So what exactly is moxie? Well Dictionary.com defines it as vigor, courage, or nerve. I think of it as confidence, determination and standing up for yourself. I had examples of this in spades when I was growing up and I want to be sure that instill the same quality in my daughter.

Here are six things that my mom did for me, and that I try to do for my daughter.

1. Believe in her. How can you expect your daughter to be able to achieve her dreams if YOU don’t believe that she can. My Mom has always supported me no matter what I’ve tried. She’s always had more confidence in me that I have in myself. I want to be the same way for my daughter.

2. Let her be herself. How many moms do you know that try to live vicariously through their daughters? Don’t be that mom. Encourage her interests even if it is something you don’t particularly care for. If you have always been a “tom boy” and your daughter is into dance and makeup then suck it up and learn more about her interests. The vice versa also holds true as well. If you always dreamed of having a girly girl that you could dress up in hair bows and lace dresses, but all she wants to wear is blue jeans and a ponytail then give up YOUR dream. Don’t make her give up hers.

3. Expect more from her. Studies have shown when we expect more from our daughters then they expect more from themselves. As I said before, my mom has always had more confidence in me than I have. She pushes me to do better, be better, and to try more things than I would normally try on my own. She believes that I can and that makes it possible for me to actually achieve more.

4. Let her know when you’re proud of her. Our daughters will face tons of people from their friends to their teachers to their future bosses pointing out what they do wrong. What they really need is someone in their life that points out what they do right. As parents we so often find ourselves in the role of “punisher” that we sometimes forget that our most important job is “encourager.” Or at least that is the way it is for me. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in daily life and am pointing out all the stuff Baby Girl needs to do that I forget to praise her for what she does.

5. Let her fail. I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned the most from mistakes I’ve made. Of course we want our kids to succeed and excel at everything, but that just isn’t possible. When we let our children fall down, they learn how to pick themselves back up. David is actually the one that has taught me this lesson over and over since we’ve become parents. I remember when Baby Girl was about 18 months old and she wanted to climb up the steps of her little slide all by herself. I was terrified she was going to to fall, but David said that we should let her and that if she falls then she’ll learn how not to. I know that is very literal, but it is also figuratively correct. If we constantly run in to catch our daughters before they fail, then they are never going to learn how to overcome that failure.

6. Be an example. I read recently (I don’t remember where) that our children learn more about how to be from the same sex parent. In other words, our daughters learn how to be women by the example we set. When we are confident in our abilities, when we don’t belittle ourselves, when we have a positive self image, then our daughters will learn that is the way to be. My Mom had lots of reasons to give up, but she never did. She was determined to create a better life for herself and her children and that is just what she did. Now from that example I can strive to do the same thing for my kids.

Of course all of these items are just my opinion, but I also found some links that you might find interesting.

Creating Powerful Girls: For Parents Who Want to Raise Confident Daughters, part 1 and part 2 written by Dr. Robyn Silverman.

Building Your Daughter’s Confidence from the Family Education website.

Raising Strong and Confident Daughters from Babyzone.

Raising Strong, Confident Girls from WebMD.

And I found this quiz that lets you test yourself to see if you are raising a confident daughter. I don’t think it was 100% accurate, but it was still interesting. Most of my answers fell somewhere between the best answer and the second best answer. But I did have to admit to myself that I have room for improvement.

So, what are you doing to raise a confident daughter? Please share with me in the comments.

More posts in this series:
Moxie Runs in the Family
Appropriate Behavior, Girls vs. Boys
Confidence is Important
She Deserves It
Let’s Talk About Sex… With Our Babies
Why Does Everything Have to Be About Sex?